Congratulation ! If you made it here, you have found the secret cheat beta page on how NOT to climb Get Out Of the Kitchen in Bukit Takun, Malaysia. And please, don’t be offended by this page if this has happened to you 😉 We had our Takun epic as well, and more than once !

When creating Get Out Of The Kitchen, we were not aiming to design yet another regular multipitch. We wanted an adventure route, one that will make you think, plan and learn… something both physically and mentally demanding, involving many skills from route findings to rope management and risk assessments. At the same time, we are not rock stars, and we wanted to keep it accessible to the majority of climbers. Now, at some point in a rock climber life, we all bitch on the quality of a route, the setting, the grading, the protection… This is part of the game and we always accept constructive criticisms . But we often forget the process behind that. Climbing is our passion. We don’t earn any money from it, we are just doing it because we love it and because we want to share a life experience with others. Takun is a mind blowing place, providing both world class granite and limestone in a luxurious jungle, just 20 minutes away from Kuala Lumpur. It required us a lot of time and commitment to find a “straight” path to the top and make this 220m multipitch possible. We also used the best material available to us to protect it (glue-in Stainless Steel bolts). Everything is not perfect, we know it. Remember that this is by no mean gym climbing. Being able to do a one harm pull up won’t help you here. Bouldering V8 on crimps and dyno neither…We encourage you to visit crags like Nyamuk or White wall at Batu Caves before attempting this route.  A 6b+ 200m above the ground, after 7h of climbing under the sun, has a different feeling from a gym 6b+. This is a serious stuff !

Now, just for the fun,  here’s the NOT how to Beta:

7:00 wake up

7:30 leave hotel.  Search for breakfast.

8:00 finally find breakfast

8:30 start driving

9:00 where is this turnoff !!!

9:15 ah , found the turnoff.  Now where do we park.

9:30 what do you mean we need to sign in?  argggh!

9:45  so this is what they mean by “the dog crux”

10:00 now where is the start of this climb?

10:15 start climbing

10:25 damn, this corner is hard

10:35 where are my crimps? This wall is blank.

10:45 ahh … hand in the pocket, reach.

10:50 establish anchor

11:15 second joins at P1

11:20 what the hell are these black flies ????

11:45 leader finishes P2.  “this isn’t so hard after all”

12:00 finish P2

12:05 “where does the route go from here?”

12:10 ah.  Left.  There.

12:25 Damn rope drag.  I should have put a longer draw in the corner.

12:30 cramp cave

12:45 second joins at cramp cave

13:00 such a cool move! !!!

13:05 “Let’s see if we can free this move”

13:10 “I’m sure I can free this crux”

13:15 “Fck it, I’ll use the tape”

13:20 “Holy crap. Where to from now.  The bolt is to my left and below my feet”

13:25 “Scariest clip of my life”

13:30 and now?

13:35 you want me to layback that?

13:40 ok, the layback wasn’t too bad after all

13:45 leader finishes 4

14:15 second joins leader.  “Respect – hard lead dude!”

15:00 finish P5

15:30 finish P6  “OK, not so bad.  We’re making good time now.”

15:40 How on earth do I turn this bulge?  Everything is blank

15:42 Keep looking for grips

15:45 “I’m pumped. Take”.

15:50 “OK, let me try going left”

16:00 “OK, that worked.  This is incredibly delicate.  I WISH I could take a rest.  But these bolts are SO far apart”

16:05 stem in the corner, shake out

16:10 OK, crux of the route over.  The rest should be easy

16:15 Seriously? Overhang? How can this pitch keep coming at me? This is HARD.

16:20 More steep ground?  I’m pumped.  And exhausted.  Take.

16:25 OK, the moves don’t look too hard.  Let me give it another go.

16:30  Steep ground done … but I can’t see the anchor.  This is f’n unrelenting

16:35 How can this pitch have more in it

16:40 Elvis legs on thin ground.  I think I can see the anchor.  But I’ve got no more in me.  Take.

16:45 OK, I’ll give this another go.  Suck in the belly, strong in the head … ahhh.  Doesn’t look so hard from here.

16:50 Leader finishes 7.  “Holy crap that was hard.  I don’t know I can do much more of this.  I need water”

17:30 Second finishes 7. “Man, I’m thrashed.  Water is finishing.  I don’t know if I can lead the next pitch”

17:35 “Dude, I lead 7 – it took it out of me.  Your turn to lead 8.”

17:40 “OK – but how do I make the first move?” “Watching you.  Just don’t blow it”. “Can’t.  I’m coming back”

17:45 “It’s only 6b+  I’ll give it another go. Fk Fk Fk.  Seriously, I don’t want to fall.”  Chalk, Chalk. Layback. Clip the bolt, hold the dogbone, clip the rope.  “Take”.

17:50 “Fk, this next move looks hard.  Can you see how far it is to the next bolt?  That’s Insane.  There’s no way I’m up for that.  You want to try”

18:00 “OK, I’ll give it a try.  But just two shots, then we bail. It’s getting dark.”

18:05 “Man, those first moves are INSANE.  The guys who bolted this are crazy”

18:10 “Like seriously? This move is Hard.  With a long reach.” (dehydrated, crampin) “There’s no way this is 6b+”

18:15 “OK, I can make this move.  But I’m not confident about the next clip – it looks REALLY far.  And I remember P7,which never ended.  What if this pitch is like that?  And these bolts are FAR.  And we’re both cramping.  And it’s getting dark.  Time to bail”.

1h to rap back to 4, just as the sun is setting.  No more water. Sweating like pigs.

19:15.  Getting dark.  Start rapping 4.  Realise that they should back-clip.  Almost too late.  10 mins of swinging to try to get back to the rock.

19:30 Finally establish the clips

19:45 First person to cramp cave

20:15 Next person back to cramp cave

20:20 Tangled ropes at the cramp cave.  10 mins to sort things out.

20:30 looking for rap anchors

20:35 “I HOPE these ropes reach the ground”

20:45 first person on the ground

21:00 second person on the ground.  Start sorting out the cluster of gear everywhere

21:30 start walking down in the dark.  Get lost.  “It’s a good thing we bailed – imagine being stuck on top”

22:00 finally reach the cars.  Exhausted.  Crusing and swearing at the MoFo’s who bolted the route.  Because it’s always easier to blame our failures on somebody else.

and the last word…

If you cannot stand the heat… (well guess the end ????)

Harry S. Truman



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